As I mentioned a few entries ago, hearing the heartbeat has made me much more focused. Today I decided to resume my reading of Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. I got to the part where she talks about the fact that many women have excessive bleeding when they deliver the placenta, and my whole body tensed up. I was pretty impressed that I noticed it, but freaked out that it not only scared me but also created a physical response. Just a few paragraphs later I saw this
Remember this, for it is as true as true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo. Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body.
This is the core of it. I am afraid that my body doesn’t work as well as it is supposed to. Things have happened, and even if many were the result of interventions and modern science, it still rattles me a bit. I said from the beginning that my biggest challenge would be in trusting my body and relaxing during the birth. If I can relax and trust in peace, then I know I will be fine. I’m just not exactly sure how to get there.
On a related note, I have recently realized how much I hold my stress in my body. My yoga teacher commented last week that my shoulders were super tense. I’ve been having a lot of migraines, and they always “sit” in my shoulders. I am working so hard on relaxing my body, but its tricky. Who knew that controlling your own body could be so challenging?
I was in a very similar place during my pregnancy with Eli. It sounds like you are on your way to a GREAT birth! Praise God!
Wow. I needed to read your words as well as Ina May’s. Specifically regarding the bleeding issue (as we talked about once). I haven’t read her Guide to Childbirth— I think I better add it to my list. Thank you!
Ina Mae’s other book, Spiritual Midwifery, was a tremendous help to me in two of my previous pregnancies. I would read one or two of those marvelous hippie birth stories each day, and they served as a kind of positive-thinking meditation. Just focusing like that on positive birthing vibes helped transform my own feelings and level of trust in birth. You’ll find that it also helps *tremendously* to be working with an awesome midwife who truly trusts birth and women’s bodies. I’d also be happy to share with you all that we learned about dealing with hemorrhage. How exciting for you to make this kind of expansive paradigm shift!