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GBD success stories

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I’ve posted this kind of stuff in the past.  I think it is important for those of us who are AP/GBD/gentle parenting to make sure that we talk about our successes.  There are often complaints on GCM about the fact that it seems like everyone is raising terrible kids.  This impression can come from the fact that people read the GD/GBD forum, and the only people who post in there are people that need help – not people who are already doing it and reaping the rewards.  If you’re doing it well, and know what to do, then you will rarely be posting in that kind of forum.  The GD/GBD forum can give a skewed view to the outside world, and that part is sad.  Thankfully it is also an amazing resource if you are having problems, but it is not always the place to go for encouragement.

So anyways, for my latest happy story:

Tonight we went out to The Outback for dinner (yum!) When we were about halfway through our meal, an older woman came over to our table and said “I wanted to come over here and commend you for the job that you are doing on raising your children.  They are them most well-behaved children I have ever seen and it is obvious that you are great parents by the way that you interact.  This is one of the hardest ages for children, and you are doing an amazing job.”  She went on for a few minutes making us blush  ;)  She had grown children at the table with her, so she’s definitely been through parenting.  Once she left, dh and I smiled to each other, and blushed a little more, because she was so sweet about it.

The thing is – its not like today is a perfect day.  Julia (3) spiked a fever last night and is all stuffy.  She had a pretty rough day because she is sick.  It was a really nice reminder that the fruits of GBD are apparent even when your kids are sick or overtired or having a bad day or all of the above.

I have been so blessed to have wonderful parents to model grace based discipline to me.  I was raised this way, and I know that they will never know how much they blessed me through their parenting choices.  It gives me joy to think that we have the opportunity to give our children the same blessing.

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Homebirth? (!)

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I’m telling you what: I’m getting crazier by the year. Until a year ago when one of my dearest friends announced that she was having a home-birth-after-Cesarean (HBAC), I never would’ve even considered a homebirth. That experience really changed me though. It changed what I thought labor and delivery had to be. It made me question my thoughts that my history predicted the future. I had been stuck in a Dr. Phil “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior” mantra, and that one experience made me question my thoughts and ideas.

So I’ve been interviewing midwives, and I picked one today. I am really excited. I’m a little nervous, but not afraid… just excited and aware that I don’t even get yet how different my prenatal care is going to be. It has already been so much less stressful. I haven’t had to fight for the little things that made the OB flip out. I am able to share information instead of just sit there, nod my head, and be told that I am ignorant. It is really empowering.

So I’m sure I’ll be talking about this a lot in the next 7-8 months or so. I just had to add a pregnancy category to my blog. I guess that shows how much I wasn’t really expecting to do this again. 😉 I’m excited.

As I’m sure you could’ve guessed – I am reading a book on pregnancy and midwives now. I’m so predictable.

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Even economists think Gary Ezzo is crazy

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Isn’t it nice when you’re reading a book that has nothing to do with parenting or Christianity and then you stumble upon a little jewel?

…Ann Hulbert documented how parenting experts contradict one another and even themselves. Their banter might be hilarious were it not so confounding and, often, scary. Gary Ezzo, who in the Babywise book series endorses an “infant-management strategy” for moms and dads trying to “achieve excellence in parenting,” stresses how important it is to train a baby, early on, to sleep alone through the night. Otherwise, Ezzo warns, sleep deprivation might “negatively impact an infant’s developing central nervous system” and lead to learning disabilities….

…An expert must be bold if he hopes to alchemize his homespun theory into conventional wisdom. His best chance of doing so is to engage the public’s emotions, for emotion is the enemy of rational argument. And as emotions go, one of them–fear–is more potent than the rest.– Freakonomics p. 148

Ahh, I appreciate that the authors of Freakonomics agree that Gary Ezzo is scary. That upped my opinion of them significantly 😉 I was also happy to see that they have six children under the age of five, so they have some idea of what they’re talking about. 🙂
Oh, and shortly after that quote, they said this

…conventionally speaking, spanking is considered an unelightened practice. We might therefore assume that parents who spank are unenlightened in other ways — Freakonomics p. 171

Bwahaha. 😛

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Spare the rod

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I love reading different people’s perspectives on the rod verses. Even when they don’t all agree, I find that studying the verses and the interpretations of the verses is a great way to both reinforce and rethink my beliefs 🙂

I am currently enjoying Heartfelt Discipline as one of my reads, so I thought I’d discuss his beliefs on the rod. As always, please buy the book if you want the details! It truly is excellent, even if I disagree with a few little parts 😉

In his book, Clarkson talks about how he spanked and even fashioned his own paddle for a “rod” for his children. It didn’t feel right though. He says

As much as I preferred other methods, I used the paddle for one reason only: I believed it was God’s ordained method of disciplining children. I didn’t want to be disobedient to God in my role as a father, and I certainly didn’t want to contribute to my children’s becoming rebels. And yet my spirit was deeply troubled every time I used the paddle. It didn’t seem to fit the character of God or be consistent with the nature of a loving parent. It didn’t seem to be proportional discipline for a young child. Neither did it seem to have sufficient biblical support. in short, it just didn’t seem right.

He started to research it some more. In his research, he learned several things (buy the book if you want the hebrew word study! This is just an overview):

  1. The “child” in Proverbs 22:15, 23:13-14, and 29:15 (all of the “rod” verses except for one) is the hebrew word “naar”, which means a young adult… usually mid-teens – could be 16-24 according to Jewish rabbinical law. Naar was used to describe men such as Joseph when he was sold into slavery, David when he defeated Goliath, and Joshua when he scouted the lands. The only other rod verse applied to children (13:24) uses the word translated “son” (“ben”), and there is no need to assume this means anything other than a “naar”. All other rod verses refer to adult fools.
  2. The rod is literal, but not as most Christian parents use it

    The rod is an instrument of punishment and correction. It’s not a switch or a paddle or a dowel or a wooden spoon. If you accept the rod passages of Proverbs as a divine mandate for disciplining young children and you take those passages literally, you’ll find yourself beating your child with a heavy stick or branch.

    Preach on, brother! 😉

  3. Children are not the focus of these verses. These chapters are all about older teens who are to the point of deciding good and evil. Young children are not yet to that point. They are not yet believers and are expected to think like children.
  4. Proverbs are proverbs. They aren’t law. They should be read proverbially 😉

Clarkson closes the chapter with this quote

When I finally began to “spare the rod,” I naturally wondered about the biblical alternative to rod-based discipline. Answering that question has shown me not only a heart-oriented approach to discipline, but also a biblical relationship with my children. I was missing the relational part of discipline that would enable me to open and to win my children’s hearts; I was missing the biblical picture of discipline as a journey along a path with my children; and I was missing the life of the Holy Spirit in the discipline and training of my children.

The link above goes to my previous article on the same topic 🙂

Clarkson agrees that the rod was probably used on older children. Then again, as he also points out

Should we use the rod on rebelious sons today? No, I think not… We are no longer bound to the Old Testament Law (for instance, we don’t stone rebellious sons). We are instead guided by the liberty and grace of the New Covenant, made possible by the shed blood of Jesus on our behalf… So should we be just as serious in dealing with rebellious sons as Solomon suggests? Yes, emphatically so! But we need to discipline our sons in light of the rest of Scripture, which was not available to Solomon. There is so much more to biblical discipline, as we will see in the chapters that follow, than what is found in a few passages in proverbs.

And I shall write about those future chapters very soon 🙂

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Children Inherit Higher IQ from Mom’s Brains, Not Her Milk – CME Teaching Brief® – MedPage Today

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Children Inherit Higher IQ from Mom’s Brains, Not Her Milk – CME Teaching Brief® – MedPage Today

The mother’s IQ was a better predictor of whether she would breastfeed than race, education, age, poverty status, smoking, the home environment, or the child’s birth weight or birth order. One standard deviation increase in maternal IQ (15 points) more than doubled the odds that a woman would breastfeed her child.

Hmm, well OK. You can’t argue with science, I suppose 🙂

I guess this means that a Mensa meeting won’t be too different from a La Leche League meeting. 😉

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Honor vs. Respect

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I am reading Turansky and Millers’ Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids right now for a reading group for homeschool moms that I joined, and I am really loving it so far.

I have heard them speak before, and I loved the points that they made about honor vs. respect, so I want to chat about them!

The Greek word often translated “respect” is phobos, from which we get the English word phobia. At its root, it means “to fear.” Respect is outward, focusing on a person’s position or the power of office. When only respect is emphasized in family life, it leads to outer conformity, false intimacy, and, eventually, distant relationships

Wow, how many times have I seen that? Families focus on respect, and they end up with behaviors that, at least for a time, look respectful, but then they turn sour as the true heart is revealed in time.

The Greek word that is often translated “honor” in the New Testament comes from timae which means “worth” or “value.” It’s one thing to respect (fear) God because of his tremendous power and greatness and another thing to honor (value) him because of those qualities.

They mention that both honor and respect have their place, but we need to remember that we are told in Romans 12:10 to “Honor one another above yourselves.” This means “treating people as special, doing more than what’s expected, and having a good attitude (definition also from Turansky and Miller).” If we are teaching our children to honor rather than just respect, then it will go to a deeper level than mere behavior modification. Instead we are teaching their hearts.

The goal of discipline is to help children not only act correctly, but also to think correctly and to become the people God made them to be. Honor addresses what’s going on below the surface and considers a child’s heart. When you teach children to change their hearts, you will see them make attitude adjustments, not just behavioral changes. You’ll get to the root of disobedience or immaturity, and you’ll help your children make lifelong changes.

I can’t wait to move on to the next chapter!

For today I am going to try to focus on honoring my husband and my children, and being a good model of honor.  I can already tell that this is an area that will need a significant amount of work in my life…  I’m looking forward to the journey.

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