Home Education - Mason

Socialization

May 11, 2007 by amanda 4 Comments

The older that my kids get, the less that I am worried about “socialization”. I went to a mix of public and private schools. My dh was homeschooled up until 7th grade and then went to private school. I never even considered homeschooling before my children were born, because I thought that the way that I was raised was the best way. Meeting my husband definitely changed my mind on that one 🙂 Today I was reading some more Charlotte Mason while at the park with my kids, and I really loved this section on children with their peers.

The Society of his Equals too stimulating for a child.“Let us follow the little person to the Kindergarten, where he has the stimulus of classmates of his own age. It certainly is stimulating. For ourselves, no society is so much so as that of a number of persons of our own age and standing; this is the great joy of college life; a wholesome joy for all young people for a limited time. But persons of twenty have, or should have, some command over their inhibitory centres. They should not permit the dissipation of nerve power caused by too much social stimulus; yet even persons of twenty are not always equal to the task of self-management in exciting circumstances. What then, is to be expected of persons of two, three, four, five? That the little person looks rather stolid than otherwise is no guarantee against excitement within. The clash and sparkle of our equals now and then stirs up to health; but for everyday life, the mixed society of elders, juniors and equals, which we get in a family, gives at the same time the most repose and the most room for individual development. We have all wondered at the good sense, reasonableness, fun and resourcefulness shown by a child in his own home as compared with the same child in school life.

I love this. It is so true. Why is it that our country has become so fixated on the thought that healthy development can only come by being surrounded by people only your own age? John Taylor Gatto addresses this in his book, Dumbing Us Down, and I wrote about it once before.

Discovering meaining for yourself as well as discovering satisfying purpose for yourself, is a big part of what education is. How this can be done by locking children away from the world is beyond me.

Yesterday I went to the library and saw the vast number of books in the collection that were devoted to getting kids excited about going to Kindergarten. It was really really sad. Kids aren’t made to be taken away and taught by their peers just because they turned 5. Now that my son is 5, I am feeling more sure about this than ever.

Obedience – a difficult word

April 3, 2007 by amanda 2 Comments

Today as I was reading in Home Education by Charlotte Mason, I was thinking about how many different parents (including myself) now shy away from the word “obedience”. So many of the less desirable parenting styles have taken it over, and so it is hard to use it and still convey the proper message. I realized that I tend to use other words in place of obedience because of this. The section that I read today really reminded me that it is all in how you use it. I really like how Charlotte Mason approaches it as the child’s responsibility to obey, and not our job to make them obey. This is very much in agreement with grace based discipline 🙂 She has a couple of points that I’d slightly rework, but hey, the text is 100 years old, so I can see how there could be some difficulty communicating.

Charlotte Mason says

It is said that the children of parents who are most strict in exacting obedience often turn out ill; and that orphans and other poor waifs brought up under strict discipline only wait their opportunity to break out into license.

Um yeah, totally true.

Exactly so; because, in these cases, there is no gradual training of the child in the habit of obedience; no gradual enlisting of his will on the side of sweet service and a free-will offering of submission to the highest law: the poor children are simply bullied into submission to the will, that is, the wilfulness, of another; not at all, ‘for it is right‘, only because it is convenient.

I am so glad that she addresses this. The fact is that many of the popular Christian parenting philosophies are all about bullying into submission and forcing the child to do it, not of their own free-will. This can never last. If the child is not choosing it for themselves, then why would they continue doing it when they no longer have to?

There is no need to rate the child, or threaten him, or use any manner of violence, because the parent is invested with the authority which the child intuitively recognises. It is enough to say, ‘Do this,’ in a quiet, authoritative tone, and expect it to be done. The mother often loses her hold over her children because they detect in the tone of her voice that she does not expect them to obey her behests; she does not think enough of her position; has not sufficient confidence in her own authority.

Yes, yes, yes. I find this so true in my own voice. When I am calm and respectful, so are my children. If I am getting flustered or upset, then my kids don’t have a calm role model anymore and they start following in my bad habits. I was sitting around watching moms today while I was at a drop-in Kindergarten for my kids, and I was struck by how true this is. It is true amongst the teachers, the parents, anyone in authority. Those who spoke calmly and were clear of what they expected had no problem with the children following through. Those who seemed to be asking the child a question did not get the same results.

Like I said, I don’t take every word of Charlotte Mason like the Bible. Even still, I think that her beliefs, especially considering how old they are, are very sound and impressive. As I mentioned above, I would choose not to use the word “obey”/”obedience” because of the negative connotations that it now has for so many people, but I also realize that when she wrote this it wasn’t the same problem. She gives me a lot of food for thought though. Most of it is not “new”, but rather a gentle encouragement that I am on the right track. That is so perfect, since that is what we are to do for our children as well 🙂

Delightful habits

March 31, 2007 by amanda Leave a Comment

Ever since my first reading of Charlotte Mason’s works, this was an idea that really stood out to me. Good habits are often viewed as being a chore in our society. Many parents feel guilty if their young children automatically pick up after themselves and decide to let them off of the hook because they view it as being so laborious. Soon those good habits are replaced with bad ones. Either way, you are still dealing with habits.

A while back I wrote about Ms. Mason’s description of habits. I love the way she describes it. It is so easy for me to forget that once a habit is a habit, it is no longer difficult to do. It is harder not to do it. If we allow ourselves or our children to lose good habits, then we are doing more harm than good. We are making it so that it will be that much more difficult to retrain our minds to do the right thing once again – the thing that used to be natural to us. Here is what Ms. Mason says about the ease that comes with habits

For a habit is a delight in itself; poor human nature is conscious of the ease that it is to repeat the doing of anything without effort; and, therefore, the formation of a habit, the gradually lessening of the sense of effort in a given act, is pleasurable.

This is so true, not only for our children, but also for ourselves. As most of you know, I am pregnant.Â I have been struggling with keeping up my old habits. Today starts my second trimester (woohoo!) and this week has been the first time that I haven’t felt completely drained, sick, and useless. Now I am having to reform the habits that I had before we moved. Just a few months ago I was able to keep the house meticulous so that people could pop in for a showing at any moment. Since getting out of that habit, it is difficult to even get my house ready for planned guests, and that still isn’t “show worthy” like my house was before. My kids were also into the same habit. They were picking up after themselves. My son would run the sweeper each time before we left the house. My daughter would move all of our shoes. We knew what to do. Now we have will have to put in extra effort just to get back to where we were. I am so sad about this, because we were all so proud of our house and it really wasn’t a chore. It was natural.

Of course, Charlotte Mason discusses this next

This is one of the rocks that mothers sometimes split upon: they lose sight of the fact that a habit, even a good habit, becomes a real pleasure; and when the child has really formed the habit of doing a certain thing, his mother imagines that the effort is as great to him as at first, that it is a virtue in him to go on making this effort, and that he deserves, by way of reward, a little relaxation–she will let him break through the new habit a few times, and then go on again. But it is not going on; it is beginning again, and beginning in the face of obstacles. The ‘little relaxation’ she allowed her child meant the forming of another contrary habit, which must be overcome before the child gets back to where he was before.

And now for the real reason I love Charlotte Mason. She goes into how you form habits, and it is so gentle… so loving… not harsh in any way. I have learned through experience that my whole family functions best if I speak in this way.Â I am so happy to see it addressed in a book, especially a book that was written so many years ago.

As CM talks about her example of a mother teaching a child to shut the door behind him when he leaves

For two or three times Johnny remembers; and then, he is off like a shot and half-way downstairs before his mother has time to call him back. She does not cry out, ‘Johnny, come back and shut the door!’ because she knows that a summons of that kind is exasperating to big or little. She goes to the door, and calls pleasantly, ‘Johnny!’ Johnny has forgotten all about the door; he wonders what his mother wants, and, stirred by curiosity, comes back, to find her seated and employed as before. She looks up, glances at the door, and says ‘I said I should try to remind you.’ ‘Oh, I forgot,’ says Johnny, put upon his honour; and he shuts the door that time, and the next, and the next.

No yelling. No freaking out. Just gently reminding the children. In the part above this section, CM shows how the mom introduces the idea of the new habit. It is loving and gentle, and she promises to help the child remember. You are working together, not punishing the child into compliance.

So today I am working on habit training again: first for myself, and then for my children. I need to regain my lost ground, and then my children will follow behind. I can’t expect their habits to be better than mine.Â I need to model right behavior once again.

Trains of thought

September 17, 2006 by amanda 1 Comment

From Home Education by Charlotte Mason (from the chapter “Habit is Ten Natures”)

…it is as if every familiar train of thought made a rut in the nervous substance of the brain into which the thoughts run lightly of their own accord, and out of which they can only be got by an effort of will.

I’ve been studying a lot about habit training and discipling recently. I really love Charlotte Mason’s descriptions of habits. Here she speaks of an older child who should “know better”, but was never trained properly and as such his brain now naturally functions in the other way.

And to correct bad habits of speaking, for instance, it will not be enough for the child to intend to speak plainly and to try to speak plainly; he will not be able to do so habitually until some degree of new growth has taken place… whilst he is making efforts to form the new habit.

Any sequence of mental action which has been frequently repeated, tends to perpetuate itself; so that we find ourselves automatically prompted to think, feel, or do what we have been before accustomed to think, feel, or do, under like circumstances, without any consciously formed purpose or anticipation of results.

I know how true this is as an adult, even when we “know better”. If we have trained ourselves to habitually perform a bad habit, it is an effort to behave differently. I am just now considering how early these habits are formed and how much easier life will be for my children if they are already used to the good habits rather than having bad ones they have to break.

Outside time

March 15, 2006 by amanda Leave a Comment

Sorry for the delay in entries! Last Monday night I prayed that God would help me balance my time. When I woke up Tuesday, my computer was dead Lucky me, eh? I’m blogging this from my dh’s computer…

Today, during my massive amounts of time thanks to my lack of computer, I read some more in Home Education. It was pretty chilly this morning (in the 30s when we were out there), but with a jacket and if we stayed in the sun, it was really quite comfortable. I found a nice spot on the grass and started reading. This is my quote for the day

Mental Training of a Child Naturalist.–Consider, too, what an unequalled mental training the child-naturalist is getting for any study or calling under the sun–the powers of attention, of discrimination, of patient pursuit, growing with his growth, what will they not fit him for? Besides, life is so interesting to him, that he has no time for the faults of temper which generally have their source in ennui; there is no reason why he should be peevish or sulky or obstinate when he is always kept well amused.

(Ennui = A feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction arising from lack of interest; boredom.)

I really loved this quote. It is so true that my kids only get “peevish… sulky… obstinate” when they are stuck inside or doing things that are not meant for children (without any time in the day for childish things). When children are left to explore, learn, and interact with the world in their own way, they do amazingly. As Charlotte says elsewhere

Overpressure.–A great deal has been said lately about the danger of overpressure, of requiring too much mental work from a child of tender years. The danger exists; but lies, not in giving the child too much, but in giving him the wrong thing to do, the sort of work for which the present state of his mental development does not fit him. Who expects a boy in petticoats to lift half a hundredweight? But give the child work that Nature intended for him, and the quantity he can get through with ease is practically unlimited. Whoever saw a child tired of seeing, of examining in his own way, unfamiliar things? This sort of mental nourishment for which he has an unbounded appetite, because it is that food of the mind on which, for the present, he is meant to grow.

So true. So true. I was just telling my mom the same thing the other day. It is amazing to me that this has been written for so long, and yet the “modern” educational system seems to miss this. As I look to my left and right and see parents who are so concerned if their 3-year-olds are not yet in formal preschool, it makes me roll my eyes. How much more are my children learning just from playing in the grass, investigating nature, playing with water, painting the things they see, and being normal kids? Why take that away? Will your children really be better off because they had a few extra years of workbooks? I doubt it.

The importance of time spent outside

February 9, 2006 by amanda Leave a Comment

I think my mom was naturally very Charlotte-Mason-minded I’ve started working my way through Home Education, and I am really loving it. I am realizing how much my mom focused on the same things that Charlotte encourages. We spent a lot of time outside, had limited tv time, did lots of reading, and my mom worked hard to instill the proper habits in us.

I know that I am just at the tip of the iceburg, so I am trying to implement one little thing at a time Right now I am focusing on making sure that my kids get a good amount of time outside to play, learn, and just be kids Both of them are naturally drawn to being outside, so this has certainly been an easy thing to do. It is really amazing to watch them play and learn out there.

Our regular outside time was probably for an hour or so every other day. It varies depending on the time of the year, and this time of year is probably a low-point for us, since it is pretty chilly out. I’ve been working on letting them have more time outside, even if they are doing more observing than playing (like by walking to the store instead of driving), and it is so fun to see what they notice in the world around them.

I’ve also been working on Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. My son has been having a blast with it. He just turned 4 last week, and I think that his young age is helping a bit. He calls it the “reading game”, and I’ve worked hard to make sure that it is fun and that there is no pressure. If I see it start to become any kind of a burden, then I’ll back off, but for now he thinks it is great. He has always loved books, and now he’s having fun sounding out the words and running his finger under them Its really cute.

Well, I need to go make a grocery list. I didn’t get to do my regular Grocery Game shopping this week, so now I bet it’ll be way more expensive. Oh well, Sunday was our Superbowl party and then I had class Monday and Tuesday, so it was just too hectic. I guess I’ll get some good practice in making my own list…