{"id":314,"date":"2007-06-03T15:57:56","date_gmt":"2007-06-03T21:57:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hippiemommy.com\/2007\/06\/03\/you-cant-set-boundaries-on-other-people\/"},"modified":"2007-06-03T15:57:56","modified_gmt":"2007-06-03T21:57:56","slug":"you-cant-set-boundaries-on-other-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hippiemommy.com\/?p=314","title":{"rendered":"You can&#8217;t set boundaries on other people"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe src=\"http:\/\/rcm.amazon.com\/e\/cm?t=hippiemommy-20&amp;o=1&amp;p=8&amp;l=as1&amp;asins=0310243149&amp;fc1=000000&amp;IS2=1&amp;lt1=_blank&amp;lc1=0000FF&amp;bc1=000000&amp;bg1=FFFFFF&amp;f=ifr\" style=\"width: 120px; height: 240px\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Back when I was first married &#8211; when dinosaurs roamed the earth &#8211; someone gave me this book.  I think I picked it up for a moment and realized that my problem was not in setting boundaries, but rather in respecting others boundaries ::ducking::\u00c2\u00a0  I put the book down and didn&#8217;t think about it again.<\/p>\n<p>I was looking at my bookshelf the other day and decided that I might as well read this book so that I can paperbackswap it.  I&#8217;m really glad that I picked it up\u00c2\u00a0  \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n<p>There is a section early in the book where the author is speaking to a client of his who is talking about boundaries she &#8220;set on&#8221; her husband and said that he could not talk to her &#8220;that way&#8221; anymore.  This is how the author responds<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>&#8220;What you have done is not boundaries at all,&#8221; I replied.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;What do you mean?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;It was your feeble attempt at controlling your husband, and that never works.&#8221;  I went on to explain that boundaries are not something you &#8220;set on&#8221; another person.  Boundaries are about yourself.<\/p>\n<p>My client could not say to her husband, &#8220;You can&#8217;t speak to me that way.&#8221; This demand is unenforceable. But she could say what she would or would not do if he spoke to her that way again. She could set a boundary &#8220;on herself.&#8221; She could say, &#8220;If you speak to me that way, I will walk out of the room.&#8221; This threat is totally enforceable because it has to do with <em>her<\/em>. She would be setting a boundary with the only person she could control: herself.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Hmm, yes.  Perhaps I have not been setting boundaries quite as much as I thought I had been.  I have told people that they may not speak to me disrespectfully, although I suppose that was just an attempt to control.  I&#8217;m going to be pondering this for a few days.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Back when I was first married &#8211; when dinosaurs roamed the earth &#8211; someone gave me this book. I think I picked it up for a moment and realized that my problem was not in setting boundaries, but rather in respecting others boundaries ::ducking::\u00c2\u00a0 I put the book down and didn&#8217;t think about it again. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[80],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-314","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-boundaries-in-marriage-cloud-and-townsend"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>You can&#039;t set boundaries on other people - Hippiemommy<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/hippiemommy.com\/?p=314\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"You can&#039;t set boundaries on other people - Hippiemommy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Back when I was first married &#8211; when dinosaurs roamed the earth &#8211; someone gave me this book. 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